twomile

Tired Cranky judgmental

Having previously said I am not going to complain on my BLOG let me start by saying this is just fact and an obvious observation. Women take on too much. We have a lot to offer, and a lot of time to make up for what our ancestors could not do. I am too old for the married kid thing and did not do a great job at being conventional, at all. I do not worry about what was, but I am greatly stressed about what will be. What do I have? Nada. I never cared about security, that was for boring people who were sheep, doing what they were told. I have NEVER owned a house. I have never owned anything really. I have no savings to speak of, no RRSP's, no pension plan. All I have is my desire to take all the talent I possess and use it to my advantage to get ahead. I always had this desire, I just did not have the time and resources. So why do I feel so stressed? I want to walk away from it all some days, and go back to my nice inexpensive apartment and stress free job and quiet life that I left behind. This feeling seldom lasts. I love it here. I hate my job, and I really need to get the balls to quit, but my latest excuse is I need money for my sons wedding adn trip, and I will quit after that. Maybe the truth is I am afraid I am not good enough to take on a real job in the city, this job being such a joke for the most part. Insecurity? Moi? Who would have thought. I am tired of trying to sell my jewelry, tired of stores not following through, tired of making them, tired of doing it all myself. I work 14 hours a day, when exactly am I supposed to find time to sell them, to call on stores? The answer is apparent and my doom impending. There are no breaks, no easy road for those of an artistic nature. Perhaps I should get laid off and re-train myself for a solid place in the world. Blech.....me thinks not......so....... I envision myself a published author sitting on Oprah's couch.....damn I am good.....Undisciplined perhaps......and I better be honest cause "no one lies to the oprah "

posted by viki @ 10:16 AM